Even towards yourself you have to be tremendously loving, because you too are god’s form. One has to love oneself, one has to love all. Love is prayer. And the more you love, the more you will feel your consciousness expanding, becoming bigger — because whomsoever we love becomes part of our being, we include him. Mm? a bird on the wing, and we look at the bird with great love — suddenly we are not two: the bird is inside us and we are inside the bird.
Whatsoever you are with yourself you are with others. Let that be a basic dictum. If you hate yourself you will hate others — and you have been taught to hate yourself. Nobody has ever said to you, “Love yourself!” The very idea seems absurd — loving oneself? The very idea makes no sense — loving oneself? We always think that to love one needs somebody else. But if you don’t learn it with yourself you will not be able to practise it with others.
My sannyasins have to be simply one. You are not to be an imitation of anybody, you just have to be yourself. To accept oneself as one is the first step in growing, in becoming adult. To love oneself is the first step in loving god — because this is the way he has made you — To love his creation is to love the creator — and we are his creation. It is against god to be somebody else. Just be yourself.
Love and respect yourself and never compromise for anything. And then you will be surprised how much growth starts happening of its own accord… as if rocks have been removed and the river has started flowing.
Try to understand the meaning of love. And you will not be able to understand the meaning of love by your so-called love affairs. Strangely enough, you will understand the meaning of love by going deep into meditation, by becoming more silent, more together, more at ease. You will start radiating a certain energy. You will become loving, and you will know the beautiful qualities of love.
Why this obsession with perfection? Then you will be tense, anxious, nervous, always uneasy, troubled, in conflict. The English word ‘agony’ comes from a root which means: to be in conflict. To be constantly wrestling with oneself — that is the meaning of agony. You will be in agony if you are not at ease with yourself. Don’t demand the impossible, be natural, at ease, loving yourself, loving others.
Learning to love oneself is not difficult, it is natural. If you have been able to do something which is unnatural, if you have learned how to love others without loving yourself, then the other thing is very simple. You have done the almost impossible. It is only a question of understanding, a simple understanding, that “I am to love myself; otherwise I will miss the meaning of life. I will never grow up, I will simply grow old. I will not have any individuality. I will not be truly human, dignified, integrated.”
One has to begin not by loving oneself, because you don’t know who you are. Who are you going to love? If you start by loving yourself, you will love only your ego, which is not your self, which is your false personality. Almost everybody loves his personality; everybody loves his ego. Even the ugliest woman, if you say to her, “How beautiful you are,” will not refuse to accept it.
If you meditate and slowly, slowly get out of the ego and out of your personality and realize your real self, love will come on its own. You don’t have to do anything, it is a spontaneous flowering. But it blossoms only in a certain climate, and that climate I call meditation. In the climate of silence — no-mind, no disturbance inside, absolute clarity, peace and silence — suddenly, you will see thousands of flowers have opened within you, and their fragrance is love. Naturally, first you will love yourself, because that will be your first encounter. First you will become aware of the fragrance that is arising in you and the light that has been born in you, and the blissfulness that is showering on you. Then loving will become your nature. Then you will love many; then you will love all.
My work is to undo what the priests have done, to destroy all guilt and instead to create self-love. And whenever one loves oneself, one becomes capable of loving the whole existence.
Lao Tzu says: “Accept yourself. Non-acceptance is the root of all the trouble.” None of us accept ourselves. The more a person doesn’t accept himself, the greater a mahatma he looks to others to be. We are our greatest enemy. If we had our way, we would cut ourselves to pieces in order to remove what was unacceptable.
First you have to learn to love yourself, because only if you love yourself can you love the other. You have to love yourself so much that love starts overflowing. Perhaps that is where you are; you need the other. That is the second stage of love. Loving the other is a difficult job. Loving oneself is simple. Because the other need not fit with you, need not fulfill your expectations; the other may start power trips, ego trips, all kinds of numbers. And you will need love enough not to be dominated, not to be destroyed by the other; otherwise, the other always destroys it.
Remember always, whatsoever the personality brags about is exactly the opposite of your reality. If you are feeling unintelligent inside, your personality will project intelligence. If you are feeling unloving inside, your personality will create a very sweet, smiling, loving quality. It is not just to deceive others; it is really, basically, to deceive oneself. You want to forget your unlovingness. If you are feeling empty inside, your personality will start gathering a thousand and one possessions.
Accept yourself. Delight in your being! And there is no need to hanker for any meaning. Moment to moment is full of meaning.
Sometimes stand in front of a mirror and look at yourself with very loving eyes. Sometimes touch your own face with a loving hand. One should learn how to love oneself. Lie down on the bed and feel yourself.
To me a man of meditation is bound to be immensely loving. All his anger is gone, all his hate is gone, all his possessiveness is gone. If he cannot love then who else can love? And a man of love can go deepest in meditation because love is our highest quality, our purest self, our perfect song. If two singing hearts cannot meet in deep meditation then no other meeting is possible.
Sannyas means simply one thing: a declaration of ‘I am perfectly good as I am,’ and a great acceptance, a great self-respect, dropping all ideals and desires to be somebody or somebody else, and just living moment to moment the simple, ordinary life. And slowly slowly, a clarity arises that nothing has ever been missing. From the very beginning things are perfect.
Prem means love, and that is the only real richness; all other kinds of richness are deceptive. They are ways to cover our emptiness, our poverty. One can surround oneself with great riches and yet one can remain a beggar. Unless the heart blooms there is no real richness. Only when one starts loving, knows how to love, does one become rich. The art of being rich is the art of loving. Millions of people live poor lives because they have completely forgotten how to love. It is very strange, because everybody is born with infinite energy to love. We have an inexhaustible source of love but we don’t know how to give it. Instead of giving it we go on asking for it. But those who ask will never get and those who are ready to give all will get a thousandfold.
I teach you to be selfish. I teach you self-love because it is only through self-love that you will be capable of loving others. Self-love is not against altruistic love, in fact it is the beginning of it. To love oneself is the first step every sannyasin has to take. It goes against all the old teachings, traditions, conventions. But I can’t help that, I have to say the truth; I am not here to confirm any tradition, I am not a respecter of traditions and conventions. I respect truth even if it goes against the whole of the human past. Love yourself: that will create the first harmony; then love others – which becomes easier – that creates the second harmony. If these two harmonies are there, there is no need of any religion. These two harmonies are really two aspects of one harmony.
One should start loving oneself, accepting oneself, because there is no other way for you than to be yourself. Just accept, otherwise you will create misery.
If a person is incapable of loving himself he cannot love anybody else in the world. Love begins at home, just as everything else begins at home. Love yourself, then go on radiating love. Radiate it to the whole universe. The farther the reach of your love, the bigger your consciousness.
That’s what I call meditation: the moment you have discovered your own inner insight, you follow it. Then you are religious — neither Hindu nor Mohammedan nor Christian. A religious quality, a fragrance will surround you. You will be more loving, more compassionate. And these will be the qualities: you will be more authentic, more sincere, and you will be able to understand different points, different angles and the different paths leading to the same goal.
