1. A patrolman was about to write a speeding ticket, when a woman in the back seat began shouting at Mulla Nasruddin, There! I told you to watch out. But you kept right on. Getting out of line, not blowing your horn, passing stop streets, speeding, and everything else. Didn’t I tell you, you’d get caught? Didn’t I? Didn’t I?
Who is that woman? the patrolman asked.
My wife, said the Mulla.
Drive on, the patrolman said. you have been Punished enough.
2. Mulla Nasruddin was visiting the town dentist to get some advance prices on his work.
The price for pulling a tooth is four dollars each, the dentist told him. But in order to make it
painless we will have to give gas and that will be three dollars extra.
Oh, don’t worry about giving gas, said the Mulla.
That won’t be necessary. We can save the three dollars.
That’s all right with me, said the dentist. I have heard that you mountain people are strong and tough. All I can say is that you are a brave man.
It isn’t me that’s having my tooth pulled, said Nasrudin. it’s my wife.
3. The professional money raiser called upon Mulla Nasruddin. I am seeking contributions for a worthy charity, he said. Our goal is 100, 000andawell − known philanthropist has already donated a quarter of that.
Wonderful, said Nasrudin. and I will give you another Quarter. Have you Got Change for a dollar?
4. One Thursday night, Mulla Nasruddin came home to supper. His wife served him baked beans. He
threw his plate of beans against the wall and shouted, I hate baked beans.
’Mulla, I can’t figure you out, his wife said,
Monday night you liked Baked beans, Tuesday night you liked baked beans, Wednesday night you liked Baked beans and now, all of a sudden, on Thursday night, you say you hate Baked beans.
5. The prosecutor began his cross-examination of the witness, Mulla Nasrudin.
Do you know this man?
How should I know him?
Did he borrow money from you?
Why should he borrow money from me?
Annoyed, the judge asked the Mulla Why do you persist in answering every question with another question?
why not? said Mulla Nasrudin
6. Mulla Nasruddin had taken one too many when he walked upto the police sargeant’s desk.
Officer you’d better lock me up, he said. I just hit my wife on the head with a beer bottle.
Did you kill her: asked the officer.
Don’t think so, said Nasruddin. that’s why i want you to lock me up.
7. Mulla Nasruddin’s family was on a picnic. The wife was standing near the edge of a high cliff, admiring the sea dashing on the rocks below. Her young son came up and said, Dad says it’s not safe Here. Either you stand back farther or give me the sandwiches.
8. The boss was complaining to Mulla Nasruddin about his constant tardiness. It’s funny, he said. You are always late in the morning and you live right across the street. Now, Billy Wilson, who lives two miles away, is always on time.
There is nothing funny about it, said Nasruddin.
if Billy is late in the morning, he can hurry, but if I am late, I am here.
9. The boss told Mulla Nasrudin that if he could not get to work on time, he would be fired. So the Mulla went to the doctor, who gave him a pill. The Mulla took the pill, slept well, and was awake before he heard the alarm clock. He dressed and ate breakfast leisurely.
Later he strolled into the office, arriving half an hour before his boss. When the boss came in, the Mulla said: Well, I didn’t have any trouble getting up this morning.
That’s good, said Mulla Nasruddin’s boss, But where were you Yesterday?
Mulla Nasruddin had a house on the United States-Canadian border. No one knew whether the house was in the United States or Canada. It was decided to appoint a committee to solve the problem. After deciding it was in the United States, Mulla Nasruddin leaped with joy. HURRAH! he shouted, Now I don’t have to suffer from those terrible Canadian winters!
10. It was after the intermission at the theater, and Mulla Nasruddin and his wife were returning to their seats. Did I step on your feet as I went out? the Mulla asked a man at the end of the row. You certainly did, said the man awaiting an apology.
Mulla Nasruddin turned to his wife, it’s all right, darling, he said. This is our Row.
11. The barber asked Mulla Nasrudin, How did you lose your hair, Mulla?
Worry, said Nasrudin.
What did you worry about? asked the barber.
About Losing my Hair, said Nasrudin.
12. You sure look depressed, a fellow said to Mulla Nasrudin. What’s the trouble?
Well, said the Mulla, you remember my aunt who just died. I was the one who had her confined to the mental hospital for the last five years of her life.
When she died, she left me all her money. Now i have got to prove that she was of Sound mind when she made her will six weeks ago.
13. Mulla Nasrudin complained to the doctor about the size of his bill.
But, Mulla, said the doctor, You must remember that I made eleven visits to your home for you.
YES, said Nasrudin, but you seem to be forgetting that i infected the whole
Neighbourhood.
14. Did you know I am a hero? said Mulla Nasrudin to his friends in the teahouse.
How come you’re a hero? asked someone.
Well, it was my girlfriend’s birthday, said the Mulla, and she said if I ever brought her a gift she would just drop dead in sheer joy. So, i didn’t buy her any and saved her life.
15. Mulla Nasrudin finally spoke to his girlfriend’s father about marrying his daughter.
It’s a mere formality, I know, said the Mulla, but we thought you would be pleased if I asked.
And where did you get the idea, her father asked, that asking my consent to the marriage was a mere formality?
Naturally, From Your Wife, Sir, said Nasrudin.
