1. Mulla Nasruddin killed his wife and then there was a case in the court. The judge said to Nasruddin, ‘Nasruddin, you go on insisting again and again that you are a peaceloving man. What type of peaceloving man are you? You killed your wife!’
Nasruddin said, ‘Yes, I repeat again that I am a peaceloving man. You don’t know: when I killed my wife such peace descended on her face, and for the first time in my house there was peace all over. And I still insist that I am a peaceloving man.’
2. Mulla Nasruddin was being analyzed by a psychiatrist. After many months of analysis, many meetings, the psychiatrist said, as Mulla lay on the couch: ‘This is what I feel, this is what I conclude: you need to fall in love, you need a beautiful feminine object. Love is your need.’
Mulla said, ‘Between me and you, don’t you think love is silly?’
The psychiatrist said, ‘Between me and you? — it would be absurd!’
3. The old Mulla Nasruddin had become a very rich man. When he felt death approaching he decided to make some arrangements for his funeral, so he ordered a beautiful coffin made of ebony wood with satin pillows inside. He also had a beautiful silk caftan made for his dead body to be dressed in.
The day the tailor delivered the caftan, Mulla Nasruddin tried it on to see how it would look, but suddenly he exclaimed, What is this! Where are the pockets?
4. Mulla Nasruddin was speaking to Morarjibhai Desai. Seeing Mulla Nasruddin in orange, Morarjibhai Desai was obviously annoyed. He said to Nasruddin, Mulla, what turned you on to Rajneesh?
‘The day I saw him walking out with his hands folded, I knew then that God exists, replied Mulla.
Morarji, looking at Mulla from the corner of his eye, asked, Hmmm, and what do you feel when you see me?
Mulla said, That God can also make mistakes.
5. Mulla Nasruddin was reading his newspaper and suddenly called his wife and said, I have caught four flies: two are males and two are females.
The wife said, My god, how did you manage to know their sex?
He said, Easy! Two were reading the newspaper with me for hours. And two were sitting on the mirror, completely glued.
6. Mulla Nasruddin has not worked for a long time, for years. One day he was sitting by my side. The day was very sunny and he said, If I had been working somewhere, I would have taken a holiday today.
7. Once I saw Mulla Nasruddin with a very beautiful umbrella, and I asked him, Nasruddin, when did you purchase it?
He said, I have not purchased it, it is very old, twenty years old.
So I said, It is a miracle — twenty years old! It looks so fresh and so new! How did you manage that for twenty years?
He said, I am absolutely certain it is twenty years old. Of course, it got changed at least two hundred times. Just the other day, when I was coming out of the mosque, it got changed again — but it is twenty years old.
8. Mulla Nasruddin was caught again and again with some woman’s hair on his coat. He asked a friend what to do. The friend said, It is simple. Before entering the house, you just clean your coat. Keep a brush with yourself.
He said, That’s a good idea! It never occurred to me — so simple! So one day he found a brush. Outside the house he completely cleaned his coat, and suit, and shirt, and entered the house.
The wife looked at his coat, at his pants, and simply started beating her head and crying and screaming! He said, What has happened? There is no hair at all!
She said, That’s why I am crying. It seems you have started loving some bald woman!
9. The preacher was chatting with Mulla Nasrudin on the street one day.
I felt so sorry for your wife in the mosque last Friday, he said, when she had that terrible spell of coughing and everyone turned to look at her.
Don’t worry about that, said the Mulla. she had on her new spring hat.
10. You sold me a car two weeks ago, Mulla Nasrudin said to the used-car salesman.
Yes, Sir, I remember, the salesman said.
well, tell me again all you said about it then, said Nasrudin. I am getting Discouraged.
11. Mulla Nasrudin and his wife went to visit a church that had over the portal the inscription: This is the house of God – This is the gate of Heaven.
Nasrudin glanced at these words, tried the door and found it locked, turned to his wife and said: In Other Words Go to Hell!
12. We want a responsible man for this job, said the employer to the applicant, Mulla Nasrudin.
Well, I guess I am just your man, said Nasrudin.
No matter where i worked, whenever anything went wrong, they told me I Was responsible, sir.
13. Mulla Nasrudin told his little boy to climb to the top of the step-ladder. He then held his arms openand told the little fellow to jump. As the little boy jumped, the Mulla stepped back and the boy fell flat on his face.
That’s to teach you a lesson, said Nasrudin. don’t ever trust anybody, even if It is your own father.
14. A psychiatrist once asked his patient, Mulla Nasrudin, if the latter suffered from fantasies of selfimportance.
NO, replied the Mulla, On The Contrary, I Think of Myself As Much Less than I Really am.
15. A wandering beggar received so warm a welcome from Mulla Nasrudin that he was astonished and touched.
Your welcome warms the heart of one who is often rebuffed, said the beggar. But how did you know, Sir, that I come from another town?
Just the fact that you came to me, said Nasrudin, proves you are from another
Town. Here everyone knows better than to call on me.
