I used to know a woman who was very unhappy with the husband — almost in hell, continuously fighting, quarrelling, nagging. The husband started drinking too much, just to avoid all this.
Then the fight became even more fierce, because the wife started fighting against his drinking. It led him to even more drinking. When he was only thirty-six he died — died because of too much drinking.
The woman was never happy. She lived with him for almost seven years, she was never happy. All those seven years I used to know them — they were next-door neighbors to me — and always the husband would come with his miseries, and the wife would come with her miseries — I was a silent watcher.
Then the husband died, and the woman became so sad. Months passed and she was crying and crying, and she was going mad!One day I went to her, and there was nobody else so I told her, "Now I can be true to you: Stop this nonsense! — because you were never happy with this man. In fact, many times you have told me that if this man dies it will be good.
Now he is dead; he has fulfilled your desire, so why are you crying and weeping? I can't see any point in it! Are you missing all those fights? Are you missing all that misery? — because I cannot see that you are missing the man, because there was nothing in it!"She was shocked. She had never expected something like that from me or from anybody else.
People in such situations expect sympathy. I said, "Stop this nonsense! I know that you were never happy. Now you can be happy! He is no longer there to create any trouble."She looked at me, shocked. Her tears dried and she said, "It is shocking, but you have made me alert about one thing: I am not missing him at all.
I am simply crying and weeping because I could not love him. It is not his death — it is my own missed experience of love. I loved that man, but I could not love him. We wasted the whole opportunity in quarrelling over futile things.
Now I know those things mean nothing; now that he is gone, I know those things were just trivia. I can't even remember the reasons why we were fighting continuously."If you love a person totally, and the experience is complete, has enriched you, you can say goodbye.
Of course, there will be sadness but there will be no grief. And sadness is natural. It will disappear in time; it is nothing to be worried about. You will miss the person a little while — natural — but you will not be in grief.?
OSHO
