[A sannyasin who is working in the ashram kitchen says lately she's been in touch with a lot of fear and anger from other people. She always take it in, and it hurts. She has done several groups.]
Do you see any part that you play in all this — provoking people's anger towards you?
[She answers: I don't know. That's what I'm confused about.
Osho checks her energy.]
No, I don't see that there is much problem in it. And you need not do any groups, mm?
You are a different type of person, that's all. You are not very out-going; your energy is in-going. Your energy is not extrovert energy; it is introvert energy. That sometimes can provoke people. People can misunderstand it, feeling that you are very egoistic. Because in-going energy does not relate and the ego also does not relate, so from the outside it is very easy to misunderstand. Then they can say things to hurt you.
And it is not your ego that is hurt because you don't have much of the ego — that I don't see there. Yes, just a normal ego is there but it is not such a problem. What hurts you is that nobody understands you. It is the continuous misunderstanding of people about you that hurts you; it is not the ego that is feeling hurt. But you have to understand that the majority of people are extroverts and you are an introvert. That's why those groups didn't suit you.
Whenever you can, you should do vipassana, the buddhist group, which is an introvert group. Mm? whenever you want to do it — there is no hurry — but whenever you want to, do vipassana. That will give you immense joy because it will fit with your energy. It will just go with you and you will go with it. That group will help you. It is not a group really; it is a meditation.
You continue to work in the kitchen. Now there is no need to be hurt and no need to feel guilty that it is your ego that feels hurt. It is not ego; it is just a misunderstanding. It is almost as if people in China speak Chinese and you don't, so nobody will be able to understand you.
That is the situation of the introvert. The world has become more and more extrovert; the introverts are few in between. They are no more in a big majority. A very small minority is left and they are disappearing like many other species.
Lions are disappearing, tigers are disappearing. Many species are being destroyed, and the introvert type is being destroyed. The whole world is extroverted. Nobody likes an introvert because the introvert is in-going. He does not relate; he does not bother about relationship.
Even if he is loving, his love is of a totally different kind. It is very silent and cool; it has not much passion and heat in it. And in the west particularly, the whole world has become extrovert. So you will have to understand. And if you force yourself to relate that will be an anxiety and a stress.
So just understand that you are different; you are a species that is no more in the majority in the world. But it is beautiful to be an introvert because one can go very easily to the very core of one's being. Love will be difficult for you but meditation will be very easy for you. Meditation will be your path, not love. I am not saying not to be loving — be loving — but that cannot lead you to your ultimate ecstasy. The ultimate ecstasy will come through being silent, centred in your own self, forgetting the whole world and disappearing into one's own being….
OSHO
From Darshan Diaries
Don't Just Do Something, Sit There Chapter #23
