There are truths we come to know only by passing through them. The truth of death is one of these. But in order that one may know death, one needs to prepare while one is still alive. The preparation for death has to be done while one is still alive. One who fails to do so, dies a wrong death.
Living a wrong life may be forgiven, but dying wrongly can never be forgiven, because it is the ultimate point, it is the very quintessence, the finale of life. Some mistakes committed here and there in life may be overlooked, but a mistake at the last moment of life will become firmly and permanently established forever.
And the interesting thing is, you can repent for the mistakes committed in life — they can be rectified — but there is no way one can rectify his mistake, repent and ask forgiveness for it after death. Death becomes the final seal. Hence, a life lived wrongly may be excused, but a wrong death cannot be.
Remember, how can one who has lived wrongly in the first place die rightly? After all, life is bound to come to an end; it is life which will ultimately reach a point from where it departs. In fact, whatsoever I was during my lifetime, I shall depart as the sum total of that at the final moment of death. At that moment everything in my life will stand before me cumulatively. At the moment of death I will be the sum of my whole life.
Let me put it this way: life is a spread out phenomenon; death is a condensed one. In other words, life is a vast expanse, while death is the total, cumulative, condensation of this whole expanse — the abridgment of it. Death is very atomic. Everything has come together in one atom; that's why there is no other phenomenon greater than death.
But it occurs only once. This does not mean, however, that you have not died before. No, it has occurred many times before, but it occurs only once in one lifetime. And if you have lived this life remaining asleep, then death also takes place in the state of sleep. It comes anew in the next life, and again occurs only once.
So keep in mind, one who dies a conscious death takes a conscious birth in the next life — that becomes the other part of his dying. And the life of one who dies and takes birth consciously functions on a totally different plane. For the first time, he is able to grab hold of the entire meaning of life, of the whole purpose of life, of the heights and depths of life, precisely and consciously. He is able to grasp the whole truth of life.
So, I have mentioned two things. First, in order that you may have a conscious death, become alert to the suffering, be aware of it. Don't run away from pain, don't escape from misery. The second thing I said, while moving around and performing your day-to-day activities, suddenly stop and become a witness for a moment. Then resume your activity. If you can become a witness even for a few moments in twenty-four hours, you will find all of a sudden what a big madhouse this world is, and how, by becoming a witness, you step out of it.
When someone swears at you, immediately you become such a recipient you lose sight of the person swearing at you. As soon as he swears at you, you receive it. In fact, you receive it even before the words leave his lips. You receive the whole of it before the swearer has even managed to complete it. Actually, you receive twice as much as is sworn at you. Even the person swearing is taken aback to see how you received more than he swore. You completely fail to see what is happening.
If you could really see…. Next time when someone swears at you, become a watcher, don't be a receiver. Just be there and watch the person swearing at you. It will cause you to laugh at yourself, and the laughter will be liberating. You will laugh at your being the constant recipient of profanities all through your life. Perhaps you may even thank him and go your way.
Doing so, you may leave the poor man guessing, because such an act would be beyond his comprehension. He would be totally at a loss.
In a period of twenty-four hours, whatsoever may happen — in anger, in hate, in love, in friendship, in enmity, while walking, resting, whatever — watch it sometimes for a moment, just for a moment. Give yourself a jolt just for one moment and watch what's happening with awareness.
At that moment don't be a recipient, simply be a watcher of whatever is happening. Such calm will surround you in that moment: you will become so very aware, because at that moment you will be filled with meditation. That very moment of awareness is the moment of meditation.
If one could carry on these two experiments, then the rest of the things you have asked will follow. For instance, you ask, "If a seeker practices celibacy, will it help in death? Will he attain awareness?" In fact, he alone can attain celibacy who becomes a witness, not otherwise.
One who indulges is sure to remain sexual. An indulgent person means one who is lustful. He wants to indulge in sex. If one could be a witness, lust and sex would slowly and gradually disappear from one's life. If a man could become a witness during intercourse, perhaps he would never enter into it again, because everything would seem so meaningless, so worthless. Everything would look so childish that he might come to feel, "What's going on? What's happening?
What's all this anyway? How have I managed to do this up to now? Why has all of this such a hold over me?" But since we don't become a witness, we keep on repeating it.
Actually, don't ever be a witness if you wish to continue repeating your mistakes. Every mistake will then repeat itself. Then again, every mistake has its own season, just goes on recurring. If you could keep a daily record of your life for a few months, you would immediately find yourself to be one of those who are periodically mad.
Just this afternoon I received a letter from a friend. He becomes insane every six months, and for the other six months he remains sane. He often used to ask me why this happens to him. I said, "You are able to know the difference because the duration of your sane and insane states is clearly defined.
This is not so with other people. They remain insane half a dozen times and are sane half a dozen times during the day, hence they are not able to figure it out. You stay insane for a solid period of six months and remain sane for another whole six months. The contrast is very clear." Ordinarily, a person goes mad ten times a day and behaves normally the other ten. Neither does he know nor do other people know when he is sane and when he is insane.
If, for a few months, you could keep a complete record of what goes on in your life, it will immediately become clear to you that all things repeat themselves. For example, anger recurs at almost the same time each day. Each day, you not only feel hungry at a fixed time, you get angry at a fixed time too.
You feel hungry exactly at eleven o'clock. As soon as the clock strikes eleven or twelve or one in the afternoon, whatever, you feel hungry. At whichever time you take your meals, you feel hungry at that particular time. The body tells you it is hungry. In the same manner, you feel angry, sexual, loving, at a set time. These are all hungers too, and they arise at a fixed time.
You go on repeating the same mistakes, because you have never tried to realize the fact that whatsoever you do is all mechanical routine. And occasionally, this creates a problem. For example, you are hungry and there is no food around. Only then do you come to know you are hungry. If you find food when you are hungry, you will never know what hunger is. The matter is taken care of.
Similarly, when you are angry and there is no one around to vent your anger upon, only then can you know what anger is. But you do find someone around. Sometimes it happens that you are hungry and there is no food around, but it is very rare that you may not find anyone on whom you can air your anger. And when there is no one at hand, a person takes his anger out on inanimate objects. If nothing else, he bangs his fountain pen, swearing at it. If this man ever becomes aware of what he has done, what will he think of himself? What will this man think, really?
A great deal of research is being done in America to find the psychological causes for car accidents — in a large number we seem to be responsible. In a state of anger, a man presses the accelerator harder without being aware of it. Perhaps, mentally, he may be pressing his wife's head, or his son's throat, but in that particular moment his foot is on the accelerator. In this case the accelerator is a substitute for his wife or son. He goes on pressing and forgets he is driving a car. In fact, he is riding on his anger, but no one knows what he is doing. The danger is obvious.
The car has nothing to do with this man's anger; the car has no knowledge of his anger. So far, we have not been able to create a built-in system, such that the car will refuse to move if the driver is angry. We have not been able to develop any such mechanism. The man presses the accelerator, and the car takes it to mean he wants to raise the speed. The car doesn't know it needs to go slow at that moment. It doesn't realize the man is in a dangerous situation, that the man is unable to see anything at that moment.
Within a period of twenty-four hours, the moments of anger, the moments of sex, keep recurring. We move in a set pattern like a machine. If you wake up and see, you may ask, "Am I really living, or am I just moving in a circle like an ox at a wheel?" Living, obviously, cannot be similar to being an ox at a wheel. How can there be any life in moving round and round like an ox at a wheel? The ox simply moves mechanically. Has this ever occurred to you?
I was reading a book about a marvelous man who has done a wonderful experiment. He observed that you come across a man on the street and he says, "Hello, how are you?" and you answer, "I am fine, thank you." You may not have realized that the man neither cared to listen to your reply, nor had he asked the question with the intent of hearing your answer.
He must be wanting to ask something else. Since it would have looked a little odd to start off abruptly, he began by asking, "How are you?"
Even on the phone, the man asks, "How is your health?" — although he couldn't care less about your health; he has never been concerned about your health, nor will he ever be. Hence, no matter what reply you give, he is never going to listen to it. He will skip your answer and start talking about something else.
So the man decided to perform an experiment. One morning, someone called him on the phone and asked, "Hello, how are you?" And the man answered, "My cow gives a lot of milk."
The other fellow said, "That's good! How is your wife?" Hearing this, the man found out that no one really listens to what you say. We take things absolutely mechanically.
I was reading someone's biography. This man has traveled all over the world. In whichever country he went, he had to fill in all kinds of forms. He couldn't understand why he had to undergo the torture of filling out all these forms. So he started filling in absurd details. He did this everywhere he traveled. No government questioned him.
He would write his age as five thousand years, and no one objected. Who reads these forms? Who bothers? Who is interested? Nobody cares. Life goes on absolutely off guard, mechanically. All answers are mechanical. Someone asks, "How are you?" You answer, "I am okay." Even computers can do this job. One computer asking, "How are you?" Another computer answering, "I am okay." That's how it is going on really. There is no consciousness, no alertness, no awareness — nothing.
One needs to become a little aware of all this. One needs to be a witness. Just stop for a moment. Make any moment the moment to become alert. Give yourself a sudden jerk and look around in amazement. Just remain a watcher.
If you can prepare yourself in these two areas, you will become less and less angry. because a witnessing consciousness can never be angry. In order to be angry, one has to become identified, one has to become unconscious.
A witnessing consciousness will go on attaining to celibacy because it cannot be consumed by sexual desire. A man of witnessing consciousness can never overeat, hence he doesn't need to take a vow to diet. Although we are not aware of it, food in itself is not the cause of our overeating. The reason lies much deeper.
OSHO