[A sannyas asks about sadness.]
A few things have to be understood…. One: every man is sad, every woman is sad. Sadness is the very situation of life. Sadness is not something like an accident — on the contrary, happiness is an accident. Sadness is very natural. There is a reason why it is so.
Man is the only animal who is aware, no other animal is aware. And awareness basically is awareness of pain — of illness, of disease. If you have a headache, you become aware that there is a headache and a head. If you don't have a headache, awareness disappears.
If your body is perfectly healthy you will not know that you have a body. In fact that is the definition of health in the eastern medical science: not to be aware of the body is the definition of health. An ill person cannot lose that awareness. If your leg is hurting you will be aware; if your stomach is in a cramp you will be aware. If your body is tired you will be aware. If your body is perfectly healthy you will forget all about the body. So awareness basically is awareness of the negative.
Man has awareness, so the first awareness that happens to man is of the negative. The second awareness has to be attained — that is of the positive. That is something to be earned; it does not happen of its own accord. And there is a third awareness which is beyond both: that is buddhahood.
Animals are not aware; their awareness is zero. Man is aware but the awareness is negative. Then there are happy people, cheerful people — their awareness is positive; that has to be earned. Very few people come to that. And even more rare is the third, where positive and negative both disappear. One simply is — neither sad nor happy, just calm and quiet and cool.
Awareness is the natural state of humanity; that is where you are. Don't make much fuss about it — everyone is at that point. If you make much fuss about it, it becomes more difficult to get out of it. Rather than focussing your whole attention on it, try to find ways to get out of it. Whatsoever makes you happy, do it! And don't be in any way inhibited.
My feeling is: because your love affair has dwindled, you are focussed on sadness and you are not gathering enough courage to move with somebody else. You go on clinging, you go on hoping, but the relationship has dwindled. And once a relationship has fallen flat it is very very difficult to help it to stand again. At the most it can walk but it will walk on crutches; it cannot dance. It is a broken mirror; you can glue it together but it can never be the same again. But there is no need to be worried, because so many other mirrors are available.
So the real problem is there. And there you are afraid — you are even afraid to move with somebody, to fall in some love, afraid that then you will lose [your husband] forever. So you are stuck. That is your choice. Love will make you a little happier than you are, a little less sad at least. And then you will again have a little thrill in life.
The positive awareness needs some work, and love is one of the greatest things that helps to bring it. So as much love as one can afford one has to go into. Creativity helps, small things help. Go and dance, sing, play some instrument, paint, or whatsoever work you are doing, put your total energy into it, pour yourself into it — these small things. And then small joys — meeting a friend, gossipping, chit-chatting, going to a musical concert… just small things.
But what happens is that when you are not in love all these things look futile. When you are in love all these things look meaningful. So love gives you the perspective, and that is missing. If love is missing you will become more and more sad, and the more sad you are, the more you will become unavailable to people. People won't approach you because they want to love a happy person. Who wants to get involved with a sad and unhappy and heavy person? Nobody wants to — people are sad enough on their own. They want somebody who will bring a little cheerfulness in their life.
So there is a problem: when people are sad, nobody loves them, nobody approaches them; they repel people. When they repel people, they feel more sad; they think 'Nobody loves me.' But they are the cause of it! Why should anybody love you if you are sad? If he can find a better person, he will find a better person. If he cannot find anybody then only…. So you are becoming sad clinging to a relationship which is no more there, still hoping against hope, becoming more and more miserable, and destroying all bridges to other people.
Open up all the doors. Love is good — with whom it happens doesn't matter — because love gives you a jump into positive awareness. And with love many things start becoming meaningful. Then you can sing, you can dance, you can go out. Your life starts moving; there is something to look forward to and everything fits together. Love functions as a centre and all the pieces that were falling apart suddenly are no more falling apart; they become one unity. Love becomes a magnetic force and everything comes together. That togetherness is positive.
And only after that can you relate with me; only then can trust towards me arise in you, not before it. Only love can make you capable of going into a higher kind of love which is trust. Otherwise you will doubt, you will distrust. A sad person Cannot trust. So awareness one — that is negative awareness — cannot trust, it can only doubt. Awareness two can trust, it cannot doubt. And because it can trust, awareness becomes possible. To relate to me you will need to create the second; that is missing, so between me and you there is a gap.
You have to understand it and you have to take the responsibility… unless you choose to be miserable; then there is no problem. Don't make any fuss about it; that is your work, that is your painting. Some people paint just sad paintings; that is their work. Some people simply compose sad and dull music… such music that it reminds you of death, not of life. Some people always sing sad songs, but that's their choice. Then don't be worried about it — it is perfectly okay. Then become the most miserable person here. Never be second — why should you be? At least people will say '[She] is the first! Nobody can compete with her.'
Or if you want to get out of it, take the responsibility this is your choice. Start moving with people, start becoming a little cheerful, start playing games of love again. These are games but it is better to play them than to be negative. If one has to dream, why not dream beautiful dreams? Why get hooked with nightmares?
And then you start thinking a thousand and one things — that trust is not arising and meditation is not happening and this is not happening and that is not happening. Only one thing is not happening and that is: you are not gathering enough courage to create a new relationship in your life. And
I am not saying that a relationship will not bring misery, but at least that misery will have some moments of happiness in it.
Right now you are in pure misery. But somewhere deep down you are enjoying this misery. You are creating it in the hope that [your ex-boyfriend] will think 'How [she] is suffering!' and he will sympathise, he will start loving you again as he used to. You are calculating absolutely wrongly. Nobody loves a miserable person — that's an absolute principle. People can sympathise but sympathy is not love, and it doesn't satisfy. It hurts, it wounds. To be in a situation where people have to sympathise with you is not a good situation; it is humiliating.
So this is exactly what the case is with you. I have put it plainly. I may even look hard to you, mm? because you come for consolation. But I cannot console you because I never help any negative state. This is simply ugly — drop it! Get out of it!
Start moving and again singing, again dancing and again fooling around. That will give you more positivity, and only out of that will trust towards me arise. Only loving people, people who are in love, will be able to look at me, to connect themselves with me.
OSHO
from Darshan Diary — personal talks.