THE FIRST TIME I SAW A DEAD HUMAN BEING WAS WHEN I SAW MY DEAD GRANDMOTHER. SHE LAY THERE AND LOOKED SO WHITE AND PEACEFUL, SO SILENT AND HAPPY, OPEN AND CLOSED AT THE SAME TIME. I WAS JEALOUS, BUT AT THE SAME TIME AFRAID. I THOUGHT SHE MUST BE SO LONELY. I COULD NOT REACH HER ANY MORE.
WHEN I SAW YOU, DEAR OSHO, ON YOUR BIRTHDAY DARSHAN, I HAD EXACTLY THE SAME FEELINGS. DID YOU NOT FEEL VERY VERY LONELY BETWEEN ALL THE NOISES, SHATTERINGS, MOVINGS? YOU WERE SO FAR AND IN HOLY SILENCE — AS NEVER BEFORE FOR ME.
ARE YOU DEAD AND ALIVE AT THE SAME TIME?
The question is from Ma Prem Aranyo.
Death is beautiful, as beautiful as life — if you just know how to communicate with death. It is beautiful because it is relaxation. It is beautiful because the person has fallen back into the source of existence — to relax, to rest, to be ready to come back again.
A wave rises in the ocean, then falls back into the ocean, then rises again. It will have another day, it will be born again in some other form. And then it falls again and disappears.
Death is just disappearing into the source. Death is going to the unmanifested. Death is falling asleep into God. You will bloom again. You will again see the sun and the moon, and again and again till you become a Buddha — till you are capable of dying consciously, till you are capable of relaxing consciously, knowingly, into God. Then there is no coming back. That is utter death, that is ultimate death. The ordinary death is a temporary death; you will be coming back again. When a Buddha dies, he dies forever. His death has the quality of eternity. But even the temporary death is beautiful.
And you are right, Aranyo, I am dead and alive at the same time. As a person, I am dead. As somebody, I am dead. As nobody, I am alive.
You say: "THE FIRST TIME I SAW A DEAD HUMAN BEING WAS WHEN I SAW MY DEAD GRANDMOTHER. SHE LAY THERE AND LOOKED SO WHITE AND PEACEFUL, SO SILENT, SO HAPPY, OPEN AND CLOSED AT THE SAME TIME. I WAS JEALOUS BUT AT THE SAME TIME AFRAID."
Remember, that may be your relationship with me too, jealous and at the same time afraid too. You will have to put your fear aside, because the fear can prevent you — can prevent you from enjoying this opportunity that is available to you. It is very difficult to find a nobody; you have found one. And unless you also become a nobody, go on remembering you are missing the opportunity. Die as I have died, and then you will be alive as I am alive.
There is a life which has nothing to do with any person. There is a life which has nothing to do with any self. There is a life of emptiness, innocent and virgin. I make it available to you. Put your fears aside, come closer to me. Let me become your death and your resurrection.
OSHO