I FIND MYSELF MOSTLY ATTRACTED TO WOMEN AND VERY RARELY DEEPLY TO A MAN. I AM A LITTLE BOTHERED ABOUT IT. COULD YOU PLEASE SAY SOMETHING ABOUT IT?
SEX HAS BEEN CALLED THE ORIGINAL SIN — it is neither original nor sin. Even before Adam and Eve ever ate the fruit from the tree of knowledge they were having sex, and all the other animals in the Garden of Eden were having sex. The only thing that happened after the eating of the fruit of knowledge was awareness: they became aware of it. And by becoming aware of it they became ashamed.
Why did they become ashamed? From where did this shame come? They became ashamed because they saw that they were behaving just like other animals. But what is wrong in behaving just like other animals? Man is an animal too. But the ego came in: the fruit of knowledge created the ego. It created superiority, the idea of superiority: “We are superior human beings. These foolish animals, if they do certain things they can be forgiven. But we cannot be forgiven — this is below our dignity.”
Sex is such a fundamental activity in nature that the ego of man started trying to get rid of it.
The first thing I would like you to remember: sex is natural. There is no need to make any effort to get rid of it — although I know a moment comes when you transcend it, that is something totally different. It is not by your effort that you can get rid of it; if you try to get rid of it you will fall a victim of perversions. Because for centuries man has been trying to get rid of sex he has created many kinds of perversions. Homosexuality has arisen because we have deprived people of heterosexuality.
Homosexuality was born as a religious phenomenon in the monasteries because we forced monks to live together in one place and nuns to live in one place, and we separated them by great walls.The body has its own language just as the mind has its own language. The spirit also has its own language. A man and woman are bound to be in conflict, but that conflict takes them far away and again and again creates situations for mini honeymoons.
You can ask the heart specialists. Now they say sexual activity prevents heart attacks. One thing is certain, that no man has ever had a heart attack while making love. In every other kind of activity heart attacks have happened, but never making love. Have you ever heard that anybody had a heart attack making love and died? No, never. It is a natural physical activity, and fun, a good sport.
If you take it non-seriously, then there is no need to be worried even if you are attracted to women. Don’t be worried — because your worry is not going to help. It’s perfectly okay. In a really free world which is unconditioned by the primitive, ignorant past, in a really enlightened world, we will accept all these things. Yes, once in a while you may love a woman or a man. Nothing is wrong in it, because inside you both are there. Each man is both a man and a woman, and each woman is both a woman and a man, because you are born out of the meeting of one man and one woman. So half of you comes from your father and half of you comes from your mother; part of you is man and part of you is woman.
So there is nothing much to be worried about. It may be that your man part is attracted towards other women, but because biologically you are a woman you feel afraid. No need to be afraid! Take things easily — that is my basic approach. Take it easy. And by taking things easy one can go beyond them more comfortably, conveniently, quickly, than by taking things seriously. If you take them seriously you become entangled with them, you become burdened with them.
And this is not such a big problem. There are bigger problems,A homosexual relationship is a little saccharine — too sweet, a little bit nauseating. But a man/woman relationship is always on the rocks. You cannot fall asleep, the other will not allow it. They go on goading each other. And they are such different worlds; THAT is the attraction.
Go as deeply as possible in your relationships with women — don’t be worried. Soon you will see that there is a different kind of relationship that can exist only between polar opposites. Then go into a deep relationship with a man, because only by going deep in relationship with a man will you be able to know that all relationships fall short. Even the man/woman relationship falls short; it never brings you the contentment it promises.
And only by your own experience — not by what Buddhas say, not by what I say — only by your own experience will you one day be able to go beyond all relationships. Then you can be happy alone. And the person who can be happy alone is REALLY an individual. If your happiness depends on the other, you are a slave; you are not yet free, you are in bondage.
When you are happy alone, when you can live with yourself, there is no intrinsic necessity to be in relationship. That does not mean that you will not relate. But to relate is one thing, and to be in relationship is quite another. Relationship is a kind of bondage, relating is sharing. You will relate with many people, you will share your joy with many people, but you will not depend on anyone in particular and you will not allow anybody else to depend on you. You will not be dependent, and you will not allow anybody to be dependent on you. Then you live out of freedom, out of joy, out of love.
You say: I AM A LITTLE BOTHERED ABOUT IT.
Don’t be bothered about it at all, not even a little. En joy it. It is not your fault. You have been brought up by Christians, Jainas, Hindus, Buddhists — it is not your fault. What can you do? You come into a world which is already conditioned, and you come so innocent, so clean, unaware of what is going to happen to you. And your parents start writing on you, and the whole society starts writing things on you. It is not your fault, it is simply symptomatic of an ill society.
We have to transform the society. But the only way to transform it is to transform individuals; there is no other way, there is no shortcut. Enjoy it, it is good — not enough but still good. It will lead you into heterosexual relationship; that is a little better. Even that is not going to satisfy. Then that will lead you into meditativeness, into solitude, into that beauty, that benediction, which happens only when you are alone.
That’s what sannyas is all about: learning how to be alone and yet joyous.
OSHO
From Be still and know…ch.1
