Many times I will hurt you.
Many times I have already hurt you.
Many times you will be shocked.
Many times you will see the enemy in me, not the friend.
But this is how it is — natural.
I don't expect anything else right now.
It is not possible for you.
But when you are on the wing, moving into the infinite sky,
then you will understand those hurts, that I had to hurt you.
They were not because I was hard: they were the only way to help you.
Then only will you feel grateful.
It happened: In a Zen monastery in China, a Master was celebrating his Master's Enlightenment day; the Master was dead. In China, a disciple celebrates the Enlightenment day of his Master only if he is an initiated disciple, otherwise not.
People of the nearby villages gathered and they asked this Master who was celebrating his Master's Enlightenment day, `Why are you celebrating? Because we never heard that you were ever accepted by the Master or initiated. Rather, on the contrary, rumour goes that when you had asked to be initiated he rejected you, you were thrown out. So why are you celebrating?'
The Master laughed and he said, `Because he rejected me — that's why. His rejecting was the initiation, but at that time I couldn't understand it. Had he accepted me, I would not have been Enlightened so soon. He rejected me out of deep compassion.
And his very rejection was the initiation; in his very rejection he accepted me. He said, "You don't need it." He said, "Go away! as far away as possible from me, otherwise you will make a prison out of me." And when he rejected me, I felt very much hurt; I carried the wound for years. And the wound was so painful that I never tried with any other Master. I became so afraid! I simply moved into the forest and started sitting on my own, because if this compassionate man had rejected me, who would accept me? This was the last shelter and the doors had closed. Now there was no shelter for me.
`Feeling unworthy, wounded, hurt, I moved. I never tried, I never knocked on any other Master's door again. I became so scared. But sitting silently, not doing anything — because I didn't know what to do: the Master had rejected me, he had not given me any method, any technique, nothing — feeling lonely, remaining lonely, in the beginning it was sad, in the beginning it was negative.
In the beginning, I was continuously feeling the rejection. But, by and by, sitting silently, the rejection disappeared, sadness disappeared, because how long can you be sad? It comes, it goes. By and by, loneliness disappeared: I became ALONE. And, by and by, I started to feel that maybe the Master had rejected me just to throw me into my aloneness there in that forest.
Maybe he had said that no method was needed — you just sit silently — maybe he had rejected me so that I wouldn't start clinging to him. By and by, the wound was there no more. It healed. And I started feeling deep love for the Master.
And, by and by, the love became trust. And one day, suddenly, I realized and laughed loudly, a belly laugh, because this Master was something strange: he had initiated me through his rejection! That's why I am celebrating his Enlightenment day. I am his disciple: he initiated me through rejection — I have been initiated. I am his disciple. I am Enlightened because of him. And it would have been cruel had he accepted me.'
Subtle are the ways. And you cannot judge with your crude criteria. Your criteria are just on the surface.
OSHO
